Top tips for parents of tots: Nurturing Minds preschool conducts session on children's mental health
Telegraph | 6 June 2025
Are you worried about your child’s poor grades? Is he insolent? Is she spending too much time on the phone? The audience at a session on “reducing parental anxiety” at Nurturing Minds may have arrived with a myriad of worries, but their concerns paled when the psychologist addressing the session shared her own challenges.
“Two years after my first child was born, I had my second son. But I could sense that something was different about him and he was eventually diagnosed with autism,” said psychologist Filza Jabin. “Then, when he was four, he developed a kidney stone, and at age eight, he was diagnosed with cancer. By then, I had delivered a daughter as well, and she was diagnosed with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder).”
The session, held at the BB Block branch of Nurturing Minds preschool, had parents leaning in for advice.
“I can now share my experience, but back then, I was at sea,” recalled Jabin. “I felt rejected by my family as they blamed me for it. They said I hadn’t taken care of my children. Then, once, I broke down in front of my son and he asked me why I was crying. That moment changed my life because I saw the same rejection in his eyes. I realised he could not feel defeated as he was the reason I was doing everything.”
Jabin then began studying psychology to understand her own situation and to coach others going through similar challenges.
Don’t feel guilty
Her first advice to parents was to stay motivated. “When you’re anxious, so is your child. When you’re happy, so is your child,” said Jabin, who learnt cycling at the age of 36 so she could teach her kids. “Others couldn’t imagine the mother of three cycling, and I fell off too. But I got up and cycled again because my kids were watching. If you fail, don’t give up. Simply say you need more practice and get on with it.”
She asked the audience to do a self-assessment and rate themselves on a scale of 1 to 10 in the following areas:
Jabin said that for one’s mental health, one should score 10/10 on all the above points. “Don’t feel guilty if you need more time for one point. It’s all right to sleep longer than normal sometimes; call up old friends once a week and chat for 10 minutes….”
Special needs
Jabin asked parents of special children to recognise the strengths of their kids. “ADHD is a condition where executive functioning is weak. For instance, to make tea, you need to add sugar, milk, and tea leaves in a certain order, but for an ADHD patient, the sequence gets mixed up. But such children could be writing in one room and listening perfectly to others speaking in another. Autistic children have tremendous focus — my autistic son excels at horse riding and taekwondo.”
She explained there are two kinds of autism: classical, where symptoms are present from birth, and regressive, where a child develops normally until about 18 months, and then loses words and interest. “This could be due to reasons like infection, trauma, excessive screen time, or the caregiver’s mental health. If the caregiver is not emotionally present, the child won’t engage with toys. So, parents must look after themselves,” Jabin said.
Let them fall
Jabin advised parents not to spoon-feed their kids. “Don’t rescue them all the time and steal the opportunity for them to grow. If he asks you if he should drink water first or brush his teeth, instead of a direct answer, ask ‘What do you think?’ and let them analyse the situation,” she suggested.
Some parents are happy to have obedient children, but they may actually be making the kids dependent. “Teach them to be problem solvers. If they turn to you for instructions every time, they’ll be lost without you. Let them fall early so that they can stand on solid ground later,” she said. “Don’t give them all your time, or they’ll become dependent. Self-soothing is important. If you don’t pick up a crying baby, he’ll eventually quieten down.”
A mother in the audience said she wanted her child to cry it out, but that her in-laws wouldn’t let her. Jabin advised caution: “You can’t fight with them, as they are a resource. Nannies are not trustworthy, so when you go out, it’s the grandparents who will babysit. Ask your husband to talk to his parents, and you be confident in your stance.”
A father complained that when he returns from office, his kids jump on him like monkeys. Jabin replied: “Sit them down and say you’ll be with them in a bit, after freshening up. But acknowledge their emotion — they missed you. This shows you’ve managed to bond with them. In some homes, children don’t even approach their parents as they’re scared of them. But keep your word. If you say two minutes, don’t take two hours.”
Avoid discouragement
Jabin played a game with the audience, asking one parent to solve a puzzle while others first demotivated him and then encouraged him wholeheartedly. “At first, I felt discouraged. I knew I’d solve the task, but their words were getting me delayed,” said Arindam De, father of four-year-old Amairah, who participated in the game.
Another parent said that when discouraged, the child would start ignoring the others. “This is what children do too. If you are always negative, they stop listening to you,” Jabin noted.
“For young children, don’t worry about marks. This is the time for overall development, or else they’ll associate studies with anxiety. If marks aren’t good, don’t scold — see how you can help them improve.”
Sanchari Mukherjee, centre head of the CK Block branch of the school, said they held this session because they receive these questions daily. “Parents worry about the wrong things. What they should be worrying about is spending quality time with their child at this age,” added Soma Chandra, principal of the BB Block school.